Goodbye to 2009

I've had the house to myself this morning - no husband and no grandsons - so I've been reflecting on this past year. The television takes care of the national news reflection for me - Octomom, Balloon Boy, First Black President Takes Oath, National Health Care Battle, Michael Jackson Dies, Teddy Kennedy Dies, Plane Lands on Hudson, etc. But, for my own reflections, I have to turn to my calendar, on which I try to post most of the important stuff, and the photographs that are a sure fire reminder. Without them, I'm not sure I'd remember anything but the normal day to day, and there's a lot of that! I call it "same old, same old", because every day is pretty much the same.

January : *It began with a sigh of relief because our bankruptcy had been discharged on Dec. 31. *David's mother died of old age and alzheimers, and we went to Colorado for her funeral and a family reunion of sorts. This is where we moved from in 1988 (and wonder to this day why), so it's always bittersweet when we visit...and then have to leave again and return to Georgia. *Started my Facebook account. *David and our son-in-law entered a new venture together, a franchise where David works in conjunction with moving and insurance companies on damage claims, repairing furniture and whatever else he can. After 35 years of being in construction, David's body has gone into old age mode, so this was something that was still in his line of work (anything to do with wood), but not so hard on his knees and back.

February: *Bought my first digital camera, finally. *Started babysitting at a church nursery for a Mom's Group twice a month, which bored me to tears but was $50 each, and I got some great photos on the way to and from for my 'Wednesday's Wander to the Wayside'! *Garrett turned six. *Did an airedale transport. *Published my first blog post on the 25th, with absolutely no clue as to what I was doing or what lay ahead!

March: crickets chirping

April: *Had a pair of bluebirds nesting right out the front door, and found one beautiful little egg on the 26th. *Conner had his tonsils out, a routine procedure, but the waiting made me so nervous!

May: *Found a tiny naked baby bird out front in the bluebird house! *Snake ate our baby bluebird . *Adopted eight month old Oliver, a long haired chihuahua, on the 23rd from a rescue group ($250 that I had saved from house cleaning and babysitting, + $150 for the first vet visit. Ouch!)

June: *Riverbend Festival in Chattanooga. *First Father's Day without my Dad. *Had a wake-up call in regard to my flash temper in a confrontation with Garrett.

July: *Daughter turned 35.

August: crickets chirping. Oh wait, we went to the Chattanooga Nature Park and did our first canoe trip with the boys!

September: Conner turned four.

October: Alice and Doug (sister-in-law and her husband) visit from Colorado for a week - easily the highlight of my year, even though we mostly just hung out around the house - oh, and did go to the Grand Ole Opry Museum in Nashville.November: Last bankruptcy attorney payment and last truck payment. Woohoo! Unfortunately not extra money in the pocket, but money to put toward taxes.

December: Talked to brother Lawrence (Yes, that's right. I actually called him and had a nice conversation.)

Like I said, a lot of 'same old, same old'! And I'm very grateful for that, because it means that we didn't have any traumas or dramas in 2009 (except for Nita dying), and having no medical issues was especially nice since we don't have insurance. I'm very fortunate to be able to spend a lot of time with the grandsons and my daughter, so that's something I'm really really grateful for. I guess the worst part of the whole year, like with most people, was that we're in financial turmoil. Some months barely surviving, but we're still standing.

I don't usually make new year resolutions, so let me just say that there are a few things that I want to do this next year, that I want to give more attention to:

(1) I want to clean out my tiny laundry room that has somehow become a pantry/storage/laundry room that I can barely get into. I have to stand on a stool or a cooler to be tall enough to see the settings on the dryer behind the clutter piled on top. There are pesticides and paints stored right next to crackers and cereal. Need I say more? The problem is that we also have a very small kitchen, so to pull everything out of the laundry room means also having to clear all the clutter out of the kitchen into the small living room, which means...well, you get the idea. If I would just take that first step toward getting it done.

(2) I want to start walking my dogs more. I started out with good intentions with Oliver, walking him and Charity together, then walking Eva Jean and Oliver. Then we had some dogs that were off leash that made walking stressful, so I got out of the habit. I need to start walking them again because it's so good for them, and because I need the exercise to help get rid of that roll that has developed around my waist.

(3) I want to work on having a stable pack. Eva Jean, Charity, and Oliver individually are the best dogs in the world, but together are totally dysfunctional (except for Oliver and Charity together). The first unstable pack we have had in 35+ years of being pet owners, so it's something we were totally unprepared for when it started four years ago, and have not taken the initiative to fix, have not stepped up to the plate to be strong pack leaders.

(4) I've been so grateful for having found my inner voice on my blog, (the voice that seems to disappear when in a social setting), and for having found so many other blogs and bloggers. I can spend hours reading what everyone has to say! And that's the problem. So, I want to spend less time at the computer and more time living my life, no matter how ho hum it might be! Just like with Garrett and his computer video games and tv cartoons, I need to set limits for myself on how long I can sit here at the computer.

(5) I'm sixty-one years old. That hour glass/clock is ticking! Yes, I may have another twenty years yet to live and try to get it right, or I may drop from a stroke tomorrow. I feel that I should want to live more consciously. I don't mean that in a spiritual way, but in a 'get the hell off your ass and get out there' way. Seriously. I am so much of a homebody and nester that I rarely leave the house except to the store or Melody's, or go somewhere with the boys, or to clean someone's house or pet sit. I don't have a passion to follow up on. But I need to figure out how to get myself out of the house. Maybe volunteering at the animal shelter. Maybe getting a job. Who knows what might be out there for me. Something. Something to enrich my life, something to enrich my soul, something to contribute to the community I live in, something to make my husband, daughter and grandsons proud of me, to make myself proud of me? (Why did tears jump to my eyes when I wrote that sentence?) Problem is, I'm perfectly happy being just a homebody and a nester, a wife, mother, and mawmaw. This isn't the first time I've talked about this issue, and I'm sure it won't be the last!

No matter what happens, I'm going to continue to wander around my wayside, and I hope you will continue to join me when you can.

Wishing you and yours a safe New Year's Eve, and absolutely a healthy and happy 2010 that is enriched by the love of family and the comfort of friends.

Man Saves Dogs in Fire

There was a story on the local news this morning about a man who came home to see smoke coming from his house, and when he opened the front door there was a full on fire which had started in an electrical chair. Against pleas to the contrary, and despite what we're always told not to do, he went in to get his five dogs. The man and all five dogs survived, though he did have to go to the hospital for observation of smoke inhalation and burned throat.

Back when we had five dogs, four cats, and five birds, I worried about this all the time. I had one of those stickers on the door about 'save my pets', but knew that someone probably wouldn't be able to find and save all of them. And I didn't know how even I could get all of them, since cats generally hide. In fact, I had a cousin whose house burnt down, and a cat and litter of kittens died under the bed.

Now that we're down to three dogs and a smaller house, I think it would be easier to save them. But would I, could I, should I try to save them if the house was on fire? Would I actually go into the house if I came home and it was on fire? I have two grandsons - would I want to risk losing my life of seeing them grow up to save an animal? Could I stand outside and watch my house burn, knowing that my animals were inside?

Well, of course, the obvious answer would be that I would have no choice but to stay outside if it meant possibly losing my own life. But there are so many scenerios. If I were already in the house, of course I would call them to me and scoot them out. What if they were in the front of the house and I was in the back? Would I have the presense of mind to throw a wet blanket over myself and crawl to them? And should I?

I'm just musing here. Every pet owner who's animal is a beloved family member has thought about this one time or another, I think. The fear being that the house could catch on fire when we're not there and the animals being trapped inside. Not a pleasant thought, and not likely to happen. But it's up there with some of those other things we think about on occasion, like dreams about our teenager being in a car accident, our toddler being kidnapped, a spouse having a heart attack. Those worst case scenerios that we practice our reaction to, that we imagine the worst and best outcome to.

Or is it just me?

Friday's Favorites: Funny Post Find and Politics

I'm convinced that if I hadn't given myself a theme for three days of the week, I would never get anything posted. My mind is a total blank.

Today's Friday Favorite is a Funny Post Find: Wendy at On The Front Porch had me laughing so hard with her chicken story that I almost peed my pants (and if you know me at all, you know that I'm not kidding). And the comments were equally as funny. So do yourself a favor and go read her - and the comments - and you'll end your Friday on a high note (as if it's being Friday weren't enough)and an out loud guffaw!

Speaking of themes, I think I'm going to begin a new one for Wednesday, maybe alternate it with Wednesday's Wander to the Wayside. I'll call it "Wednesday's What the Fuck?" You know, like this week's "Wednesday's WTF?" would be about people keeping their children out of school next Tuesday so they don't have to listen to President Obama talk to students. Because, you know, he might enlist them in something akin to Hitler and the Youth Movement, might enlist them in his cause and try to sway them (these non-voters)to his political agenda, might start a conversation about health care or the economy, and they'd go home and try to indoctrinate their parents and possibly turn them in if they don't come around.

I'm just saying, and it's only my opinion, that no matter what your politics or political affiliations, IS THIS NOT JUST NUTS? (And, again, if you know me at all, you know I don't do politics or religion, but this has just irritated, frustrated and puzzled me all day.)

I apologize if this has offended anyone, but I've spent the whole day saying 'what the ...?". So, I really needed that laugh that Wendy gave me!

Wipe that pee, please!

I have a huge pet peeve - women who pee on the toilet seat and don't clean it off! Melody and I went into a public bathroom a few months back while at the movies, and I went into THREE STALLS before finding one that didn't have pee on the seat! This wasn't the first time, either. It's been one of my rants for years. It's not that I'm a germaphobe ... it's the ick factor!

Ok, here's the deal. You don't want your butt to touch the possible germs on a public toilet seat. I get that. So you try to pee straddling the toilet or just crouched over the seat. A few (or many) drops get on the seat. You wipe yourself, flush, and ... walk away? Seriously?

Then here I come, also thinking about germs on the seat, and there's YOUR pee on the seat, and I have to wipe up your pee or go to another stall! And if I forget to look before I sit (because sometimes I barely make it there in the first place), and I sit in your pee, I spend the next 30 minutes cringing because of the sticky feel of my underwear sticking to your pee! Ewwwww!

I get that there are accidents even if you sit down all the way to pee. I'm 61 years old, have weak bladder muscles, and sometimes I think I'm done peeing but a few drops come out when I stand up. I WIPE IT OFF. IT'S NOT THAT HARD TO DO. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TOUCH YOUR HANDS TO THE SEAT ... YOU WAD UP A BUNCH OF TOILET PAPER AND BLOT YOUR PEE SPOTS. If it's a boy dribbling on the seat after peeing, he's probably with his mother, so the mother either needs to wipe it off herself, or, better yet, begin teaching him to clean up after himself!

It's all about bathroom etiquette. About respect for the next person. Is that so hard?

(Hope I haven't offended anyone with the topic.)

I mean, you know?

In the 70s and 80s, we had certain language quirks (my term) that I'm sure drove older people crazy, among them "cool" and "you know". But I don't think anything we said rivals some of today's language quirks that drive me crazy. Namely the habit of saying "I mean" and "no/yes". And begin a sentence with them, before anything else has been said, and it drives me crazy and up a wall. Example: "Linda, how do you feel about today's language quirks?"; "Well, I mean, you know, no/yes, it drives me crazy". No, I don't know what you mean, because you haven't said anything yet! And what does no/yes mean - no it doesn't drive you crazy, or yes it does drive you crazy, or you're undecided?

The reason I mention this is, because, you know, I mean, no/yes, I just saw a person on tv say all those things in the very first sentence she spoke. Just my opinion, but it's not, you know, like, cool.

Day of Clarity

Most of my days are spent with me fumbling/stumbling my way thru them, hopefully managing to get a few of the important to do's done, but more often just - well, just being.

It's not like I lead an incredibly stressful life. On the contrary. I'm a stay-at-home housewife, mother to only two dogs now (compared to the five dogs/four cats/3 horses/1 rabbit/3 cockatiels, 1 parakeet, 1 crippled grackle of days of yore). One or both of the boys come over quite often, sometimes just to visit and others to let Melody have some time to get her stuff done.

I'm not a Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray, preparing the perfect meal or crafting and decorating. I hardly shop at all any more except for the basics. I don't do any volunteer work because-well, just because. (Though I am thinking about volunteering at the animal shelter, even though I think ours sucks.) I obsess about my neighbor's pets that are suffering from neglect, but that only takes up a small part of my day. I don't have any friends (I know, poor me), so I'm not out running around doing whatever friends do together. I rarely read because I fall asleep and can't concentrate anyway.

And yet, despite this lack of stress and outside activities, most of my days are, as I said, spent with me fumbling/stumbling my way thru them, more often than not in a fog of confusion and disorganization. It's not depression, in case that's what you're thinking. I'm almost always content and at peace and in touch with reality, and not given to sulking or feeling sorry for myself, and have done the depression thing and medication in the past anyway and it was determined that that wasn't the problem. Some of it is caused by chronic neck and back pain, but who doesn't have some problem or other. And, admittedly, I take some medications that cause those very symptoms. But still.

And then there comes a day like today. A DAY OF CLARITY! I woke up in the same old way, took the same medications, had the same old breakfast, nothing different. And yet, much to my surprise, I was revved up! I made a to-do list. I sat at my desk and did desk stuff that I had been putting off for months. I picked up the house, played with the dogs, ran errands, worked in the yard. And cooked a roast for dinner - with from scratch gravy!

So what happened? What was different on this day compared to the 30 before it? Well, the sun was shining, but that happened on some of the other 30 days as well. I didn't eat anything different. (Well, I did have a root beer frosty float from Wendy's, but I felt good before that.) I paid the bills, including a house and truck payment, and still had money left in the bank, so that's always a good thing, but I felt good before even that. I don't even know how to explain this clarity. It was like I had hyper-vision, hyper-hearing, and hyper-energy. And here it is 10:30pm, and my brain is still in high gear. Not that I'm complaining, mind you. It's wonderful! I just wish it would last, and last, and last.

I didn't have any clarity today about what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, but I did have a day that gave me the clarity of thought and emotion to know that I'm ok, that my life is ok, that I'm incredibly blessed in so many ways, and I had energy to do some of those things in one day that it usually takes me a whole week to do. I'll take that, and hope for more days of clarity in the not too distant future.

Yes, this was a good day.

word of the day

OHMYGODITHURTS!!!!!!! I had a root canal this morning, and the shots are wearing off, and OHMYGODITHURTS!!!!!!! The pain is fifty times worse than the tooth was in the first place! Even the hydrocodone isn't phasing it! Let me repeat the word for the day: OHMYGODITHURTS!!!!!!!! I know the pain is mostly from the areas where the shots were given, but OHMYGODITHURTS!!!!!!! How is it possible for something to hurt so bad and yet I'm still conscious?

Lest you didn't catch the word of the day, it's: OHMYGODITHURTS!!!!!!!

Favorite Phrases

The reason I've chosen this for my second posting is because I found myself using almost all of my favorite phrases today. You know - those phrases we have for different occasions, like "holy moly", "geez louise", "fu...udge".

I have quite a few, many of them quite dated. David and I taught the boys early on the all-purpose usefulness of "how cool is that!" and "is that cool or what!". Melody and Brent (the s-i-l) gave me orders (i.e. dirty looks) to not use "duh" and "whatever" around the boys, but that was a losing battle. As it was with "bla bla bla". I've been REALLY good about not using the F word, "shit" and "hell" around the boys, but in private they are still my words of choice for almost any occasion.

Anyway, this morning the day began with a huge clap of unexpected thunder, which illicited an equally huge "holy crap". Then I was trying to retrieve some stuff from my over-cluttered (not to mention tiny) laundry room and some other stuff fell off the shelf onto my head, which brought forth a "what the F-N hell!" (though, of course, I didn't use the initials), followed by "give me a f-n break", followed by "seriously?", followed by "are you f'-n kidding me" as the situation went from bad to worse in my efforts to get the fallen stuff back up on the shelf.

The good news: I found my cheese slicer in the Overflow Kitchen Utensils box. "Woohoo!"